You’ve probably heard it before: “Kids are resilient.”
And while that’s technically true, it’s often used to gloss over a harder truth: your kids are struggling.
The thing that no one tells you, though, is that doesn’t mean you’re failing.
Divorce hits kids differently- and at different times.
- Some cry.
- Some rage, throwing toys, punching siblings, or screaming at anyone in sight.
- My own daughter acted as though nothing had changed, until it all came out in a stream of accusations, what-ifs, and expletives one evening in a Moab campground.
- Some regress, falling back into habits or patterns, or “forgetting” how to do things that were once on autopilot.
- Others step up and become little adults overnight.
None of that is a direct reflection of your parenting or how “messy” the divorce is or was.
It’s just their emotional survival system doing its best.
Guilt Is a Terrible Compass
Guilt says: fix it, apologize, overcompensate. Did you start taking your kid out for ice cream just a little more often than usual? Are you stretching those bedtimes by a few minutes here and there, making exceptions where you never would have before?
During these uncertain times, your kids need your consistency more than they need treats. In fact, those boundaries are reassuring.
They need you to stay steady when everything else feels uncertain. Think of yourself as the lighthouse, not the rescue boat.
What They’re Really Asking
When kids ask things like:
- “Is this my fault?”
- “Where will I live?”
- “Will I see both of you?”
- “What happens if I miss the other parent?”
What they really want to know is:
Am I still safe? Am I still loved? Am I about to lose anything else?
Don’t try to be perfect, just be present and listen.
You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
Most of us were never trained in emotional development or graceful conflict resolution. You’re allowed to be a learner here. You’ve never done this before.
Whether it’s a therapist, a coach, or a trusted guide- asking for help can fast-track healing and improve communication with your kids.
Free Resource
If you’re navigating these conversations right now, I made something for you.
It’s not a script, but a simple framework- rooted in compassion and clarity.
How to Talk to Your Kids About Divorce (Without Making It Weird) [Download Yours Here]
