I have a confession to make.
I’m a terrible worrier.
Not in the usual sense, where people spend lots of time fretting about what might go wrong next. In fact, it’s the opposite—I’m just not good at worrying. Like, at all. No matter how hard I try, I just can’t do it.
And it drives my loved ones crazy.
They don’t understand it, and frankly, I don’t understand them—at least when it comes to anxiety about things that haven’t happened yet.
It’s not that I’m not empathetic, although I could certainly grow in this area (it turns out that saying, “don’t worry” is not helpful advice). It’s just that not much seems like a big deal to me. After years of wondering where my wiring went wrong, I’ve come up with a hypothesis. And maybe even a few lessons to share.
First, I have to acknowledge that I’ve been incredibly lucky in life. This can’t be ignored. Luck, chance, and the randomness of the universe have played huge roles in my adventures, follies, and “successes.” Being born a white, (almost) middle-class male in late 20th-century America gave me built-in advantages.
Those advantages have given me opportunities to push my comfort zone, all while having a safety net beneath me. I’ve spent a lot of time pursuing mental, social, and physical challenges that have reshaped how I view stress. And I think that’s the key.
If you’ve been a client of mine or heard me talk about the ADVENTURE-10 framework, you know that keeping something on your adventure list that scares you is essential to living intentionally. It forces us to confront fear—whether real or imagined—so we can expand our comfort zone. What once seemed scary becomes something we can draw on when assessing future risks.
Free climber Alex Honnold has an interesting theory on this. He says, “If you don’t experience real fear from time to time, if you don’t experience real danger, your mind just creates fear out of nothing.” Maybe he’s right. It’s hard to be nervous about a presentation when hanging off a cliff, 1,000 feet in the air without a rope, is your baseline for danger!
On the flip side, if the scariest thing we’ve faced is the line at airport security or a solo trip to the DMV, other daily experiences can easily max out our stress levels. We might find ourselves worrying about being five minutes late, panicking over a delayed Amazon delivery, or losing our temper because someone cut us off in traffic, delaying our trip to T.J. Maxx by a whole 1.5 seconds.
Ultimately, the more we push ourselves to face what scares us, the more resilient we become. And with each new challenge, our ability to keep calm in everyday life grows stronger. So, what fear will you face next?
If you’re ready to shift your mindset and embrace adventure, let’s talk. Book a free call today to start your journey.
