The year I got divorced, Christmas Eve felt like a canyon I couldn’t cross.
My kids were with their mom. My community shrank overnight. People I had known for years – her friends, our mutual friends – were still navigating the breakup, unsure how to relate to us without hurting the other’s feelings. I didn’t blame them. Divorce ripples outward, and everyone is cautious until they find steady footing again.
But that didn’t change the fact that, for me, the holidays felt hollow.
I remember sitting in my empty house that night, not ready to face it. And I definitely wasn’t ready to sit in a bar trying to out-drink the loneliness. There’s something about the holiday season that can make silence unbearable, like everyone else is celebrating somewhere while you’re stuck staring at the walls.
So, I did what I always do.
I went to the woods.
I didn’t even start hiking until after dark. It wasn’t part of some master plan, or even very well thought out, but sometimes you just need to move. I walked for hours, letting the cold air sting my face and getting consumed by the stillness. I didn’t have a grand revelation or sudden clarity that night. But I felt something shift. The weight was still there, but I could carry it a little easier by the time I got home.
That walk didn’t fix everything. But it helped. And so, I did it again the next year, with a friend. And the year after that, with my fiancee.
Over time, that hike became more than just something I did to escape the loneliness. It became a tradition. One that grew. My older kids from my first marriage started joining me. Now, the 5-year-old joins in. We hike every Christmas Eve, well into the dark.
No matter what the parenting schedule looks like, we never miss it- it’s become that important to all of us.
That’s not to say it’s always magical. One year we were snowed in and only hiked a 4 block circle around the neighborhood. When Eleanor was small we “hiked” the 4 acre woods at our school
The point isn’t perfection. It’s presence.
The Power of Creating New Traditions
Divorce has a way of making you feel like you’re starting from scratch. In some ways, you are. But starting over doesn’t mean discarding everything. Sometimes, it means reshaping what’s already there.
I talk to clients all the time who feel untethered after divorce. The holidays hit hardest. Family traditions remind them of what’s missing. Community events feel like something they’re observing from the outside. There’s grief in that, no doubt. But there’s also an opportunity – to build something new.
For me, it started with a hike. For you, it might look different. Maybe it’s a standing pizza night with the kids. Or volunteering somewhere that feels meaningful. Or gathering friends for a casual dinner. The “what” matters less than the intention behind it.
Community Doesn’t Have to Be Complicated
We often overthink connection. We assume it requires elaborate plans or big gestures. But in my experience, community thrives in the small, consistent moments. A walk. A phone call. That one friend who sends you a text, checking in even when you’re not great at responding.
When I started Crooked Trail Coaching, I didn’t set out to build community. But that’s exactly what has happened. People show up for coaching, thinking they’re just going to “figure out their next steps.” What they often discover is that they’re craving connection – with themselves, with others, with something bigger than the roles they used to play.
Sometimes, that connection starts with an unplanned hike in the woods. And sometimes, it starts with a conversation.
If You’re Feeling Disconnected, Start Small
I know how easy it is to isolate after divorce. It feels safer in the short term. But over time, that isolation becomes its own kind of heavy. The hardest part is often the first step – reaching out, saying yes to an invitation, or creating your own new tradition.
So if the holidays feel daunting this year, consider this your nudge. You don’t have to overhaul everything. Just start with something small. A walk. A cup of coffee with a friend. One tradition that’s just yours.
And if you need someone to walk alongside you as you navigate this next chapter, let’s talk. I help divorced folks rebuild – not just their routines, but their sense of self and connection.
Sometimes, you just need to lace up your boots and take that first step.
