We often focus on divorce as an end, but in reality, it’s the beginning of a journey—a journey that can be full of hope, purpose, and yes, adventure.
Something that has come up recently with one of my clients is the viewpoint that we cannot be stuck where we are; we can only be stuck between where we are and where we want to be. A person who is happy where he or she is certainly does not feel stuck.
This shift in perspective can be transformative. Buddhist philosophy asks, “can we get to the place where there is no place to get to?” The present is what matters- the path.
Marcus Aurelius, in Book 1 of his Meditations wrote of his gratitude for his mentor Maximus, thanking him for giving him “the sense of staying on the path rather than being kept on it.” When a sense of purpose pervades every action, staying is easy. When we float along mindlessly, we only go where the path takes us.
This simple yet profound distinction is at the heart of the work I do with clients.
When you feel stuck, it’s easy to focus on the negatives. You might think, “Why can’t I move on?” or “Why am I still in this place?” But let’s reframe that. If you’re feeling stuck, it means you’re somewhere in the middle of a transition. You’re not where you started, but you’re also not where you want to be.
Yet.
This space in between is where growth happens. It’s where you can rediscover your identity and begin to build a more purposeful life.
Imagine you’re on a hike, one of those bucket list adventures I love so much. At the beginning of the trail, you’re full of anticipation, and as you reach the destination, you’re filled with a sense of accomplishment. But the journey in between—every step, every breath, every moment of struggle and beauty—that’s where the true experience lies. You’re not stuck on the trail; you’re moving forward, one step at a time.
Similarly, in life after divorce, you’re on a path. You’re not stuck where you are. You’re navigating the space between your past and your future. This is your time to explore, to dream, and to discover new aspects of yourself. It’s about finding joy in the journey, rather than focusing solely on the destination.
Marcus Aurelius also said, “The impediment to action advances action. What stands in the way becomes the way.” When you feel stuck, remember that the obstacles you face are part of your path. They’re not roadblocks; they’re stepping stones. They shape you, challenge you, and ultimately lead you to where you need to be.
So, breathe deep, take in the view, and remember: you’re not stuck. You’re in the beautiful, messy, transformative space between. Embrace it, and let it guide you towards a more confident, more purposeful, and much more gratifying future.
