I’ve been thinking a lot about our reactions and the space between stimulus and response- the small gap where freedom and growth begin..
What triggers them? How do they initiate, swell to a crest, and eventually quiet?
Picture a bell curve (or, you know, just look at the one above).
At the start is the stimulus- the thing that sets us off. In the middle, at the peak, is our strongest urge to respond– often sharp, fueled by emotion.
At the end, as the curve tapers down, comes the reminder we forget most easily: every urge softens with time.
Viktor Frankl is credited, via Steven Covey, with the following quote on this topic:
“Between stimulus and response there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”
The Stoics urged us to widen that space. Not to deny the peak of emotion, but to recognize it, let it rise, and give it room to fade before we act.
I see this in my five-year-old. ALL. THE. TIME.
She hatches elaborate plans- writing and performing a play with friends, hauling out Halloween boxes in September, decorating the yard right now. When I explain that it can’t all happen immediately (because other parents, schedules, and the plain fact of time), the sting is real. The wanting itself creates the frustration.
We do the same thing as adults.
We want the meeting to wrap up early, the flight to leave on time, the project to move faster than it can. And when reality doesn’t bend to our timeline, frustration flares. The Stoics remind us: acceptance is not the same as agreement or consent. It’s simply seeing the world as it is,
instead of demanding it be otherwise. From that place, we choose a wiser response.
Of course, we hit the curve in other ways too- like when a terse email lands or someone posts online in a way that begs for a reply. The urge feels urgent in the moment. But if we pause, it fades, and the choice is still ours to make.
The work is to notice: here comes the spike, here comes the peak, here comes the taper. And somewhere in that arc is the space Frankl described- the space where freedom lives.
Question of the Week:
Think back to a recent moment when you felt that spike of wanting to react- whether it was a delayed plan, an email, or a conversation.
Where on the “bell curve” did you catch yourself?
What shifted when you waited?
How might you remind yourself next time that the urge always fades?
What’s Next: If this idea resonates, I’d love for you to dig deeper:
- Check out my recent podcast appearances: [ Infinite Abilities | Wisdom in Action ] where I talk about courage, vision, and building momentum after tough seasons.
And mark your calendar- my Vision Building Seminar is coming in December. I’ll share details in the coming weeks, but if you’re ready to start thinking bigger, building more adventure into your everyday life, this is your chance to do it with a supportive community.
Send me an email for more info!
