There’s a moment in every race when you have to decide: Do I keep going- or do I call it?
Last weekend, elite trail runner David Roche faced that exact moment at mile 62 of the Western States 100. He’d trained for years. Sacrificed time, energy, and comfort. Put his heart on the line. And still- he DNF’d (Did Not Finish).
In his own words, he felt shame. Not because he didn’t try hard enough. Not because he failed. But because he was seen.
Seen trying. Seen suffering. Seen not making it.
And, of course, the critics came out of the woodwork- keyboard warriors who said he was “soft” or “overrated” or just “not mentally tough enough” (the comments section of the livestream is absolutely the worst part of this sport).
But here’s the myth I want to bust wide open:
Failure doesn’t create shame. Hiding it does.
When we screw up silently, we tell ourselves a story: that no one else would understand, that we should’ve done better, that this failure defines us.
And if you’re divorced, you probably know that story well.
The voices might sound different- “You didn’t try hard enough.” “You gave up.” “You should be over it by now.”
But the feeling? The heaviness of shame? It’s the same.
What David Roche did next is what I want to offer you as a model: He kept showing up. He talked openly about his shame. He kept training. He owned his story.
And in doing so, he turned the volume down on the haters- and up on his own damn voice.
I’ve said it before: confidence doesn’t come before action. It comes after vulnerability.
After we step out from behind the curtain. After we tell the truth. After we stop pretending that perfection is the price of admission.
So if shame is still sitting in your pack, weighing you down- this week might be a good one to stop carrying it alone.
🎙️ P.S. I talk more about this in my recent episode on the Don’t Pick the Scab podcast. We cover shame, identity, and how to rebuild confidence one small (sometimes muddy, awkward, or terrifying) step at a time.
Question of the Week:
“What’s a healthy way to process guilt or shame after divorce?”
I’d love to hear your take. Hit reply and let me know what’s helped you- or where you still get stuck.
If you want to tackle this question, and more, I have a free mini-course available called The Divorce Debrief. It’s four short lessons with reflection exercises to get you moving past the guilt, shame, and “survival mode,” and start thinking about what comes next.
