Taking the first step is the hardest part.
And contrary to my own periodic self talk, it’s not because we’re lazy or incapable.
It’s because we’re human.
Jeri knows this as well as anyone.
After her divorce, she found herself in a familiar but painful limbo. Her weekends, once filled with trail rides and dirt-streaked joy, had turned into laundry, Netflix, and politely declining invitations that required more energy than she had. Her bikes, once a symbol of her freedom, sat silent in the garage.
When I asked what was keeping her from riding again, her answer wasn’t surprising:
“I don’t want to go alone. I don’t want to be the new person.”
This comes up often in my coaching work. People aren’t afraid of the activity itself. They’re afraid of the in-between: the awkward hello, the unfamiliar routine, the vulnerability of showing up solo.
And I get it. Being new is uncomfortable.
But as I reminded Jeri, you’re only new once.
Sure, there might be strained small talk. She might find herself apologizing for not knowing the route or for being slower than the rest of the group (or knowing where to find the bathroom!). But then, she’d slip into the rhythm of the ride. She’d spend the better part of the day inside her own helmet- alone with her thoughts and processing, moving forward in every sense of the word.
And if she chooses to go again, she won’t be new anymore!
She hasn’t made that call yet. She’s on the edge of it, right where possibility and fear bump shoulders. And that’s where so many of us get stuck: hovering right before the breakthrough.
Courage Before Confidence: Why Action Beats Readiness
Here’s where the story intersects with science.
Psychologist Albert Bandura, a pioneer in the field of social learning, defined self-efficacy as the belief in our ability to influence events that affect our lives. Or…
Confidence doesn’t come first. Doing comes first.
Bandura found that “mastery experiences”- small wins that show we can do difficult things- are the most effective way to build lasting confidence. Not mantras. Not watching David Goggins videos. Tangible action.
Educator and bestselling author Kathy Kolbe expands on this idea, suggesting that self-efficacy is one of the best ways to measure cognitive strength. It’s not just what we know; it’s what we’re willing to do with that knowledge.
Kolbe writes:
“Believing in your own abilities is essential, but it’s the determination and perseverance to use those abilities, especially when things get tough, that really defines self-efficacy.” (Kolbe, 2009)
In other words, it’s not enough to own the bike. You’ve got to get on it.
Even when your hands shake a little as you put on the helmet.
Disrupting the Pattern
When people feel stuck, they often wait for a mindset shift before they take action.
But most of the time, it works the other way around.
You don’t think your way into a new pattern. You act your way into one.
When you feel emotionally flatlined or disconnected, doing something different- even something small- signals to your brain,
“We’re not living in the old script anymore.”
You interrupt the feedback loop. You introduce novelty. You gain momentum.
Try Your Own Micro-Adventure This Week
You don’t have to ride motorcycles, scale mountains, or drop everything and disappear to find clarity.
You just need to disrupt the routine.
If you’re local, I’ll make it easy to take the first step.
Join us for a low-key hike at Mount Saint Francis this Saturday at 8:30 AM.
There’s no pressure. No gear list. No expectations.
Just fresh air, good people, and a chance to remember what moving forward feels like.
Sometimes, the trail is all the breakthrough we need.
Want help identifying where you’re stuck?
Take the Divorce Disconnect Assessment or the Life Adventure Compass, free tools that help you pinpoint exactly where the friction is, and how to start making real progress.You’re only new once.
And just one decision to try can change everything.
